Blade II (2002)
director: guillermo del toro
cast: wesley snipes, kris kristofferson, ron perlman, leonor varela, norman reedus, thomas kretschmann, luke goss, matt schulze, danny john-jules, donnie yen, karel roden, marit velle kile, tony curran, daz crawford, santiago segura
He
stars in action movies. He wears black leather outfits. He has tons of attitude,
most of it bad. He's got no sense of humor about himself or his life. He's too
cool for a sense of humor. No, it's not Steven Seagal. It's Wesley Snipes, everyone's
favorite over-pumped, heroic vampire in "Blade"! Okay, the first "Blade"
was fun, but the idea of watching "Blade II" was as appealing as taking
a dip at a sewage treatment plant. Be that as it may, there's no sophomore jinx
with the "Blade" series. "Blade II" is a non-stop, rapid-fire
machinegun of pasty vampires that will totally please any B-movie action fan.
Plot? We don't need no stinking plot! We've got vampires, man, lots and lots
of frickin' freaky vampires!
Key
to "Blade II's" all natural goodness is a cast that is perfectly suited
to backing up Snipes' acting "style". Kris Kristofferson is once again
paired with Snipes, which is just pure cinematic genius. Kristofferson, with
his grizzled hair, gravelly face, and raspy voice has all the personality of
a lump coal. Hey, I'm a fan but it looks like it hurts Kristofferson to breath.
Next to this guy, Snipes seems like an over-emoting silent film star. As if
this wasn't good enough, Ron Pearlman is onboard as one of a specially trained
squad of hitman-vampires. Any film with Ron "the manimal" Pearlman
is instantly 15% better (my favorite Ron Pearlman role was as the mentally-challenged
monk "Salvatore" in the medieval who-done-it, "The Name of the
Rose"). This is way off the point (like I have a point), but how cool would
it be to have a movie teaming Ron Pearlman, Pete Postlethwaite, and that weird-looking
guy from "Delicatessen" (is his name Pascal Benezech)? I know saying,
"That weird-looking guy from 'Delicatessen'", doesn't exactly narrow
it down. Lewis Leakey spent his entire career searching for "the missing
link". I guess he never watched a movie with these guys in it (or took
a gander at this humble reviewer).
What
was I talking about? Oh, yeah, "Blade II"! We follow Blade as he tracks
down his old mentor, Kristofferson, and joins a vampire ninja-squad that is
hunting for the leader of a new and more dangerous breed of vampires called
"the reapers". The reapers are less techno than the pleather-bound
regulars that inhabit the world of the "Blade" movies. They are much
more like the traditional, ratty, bald, Nosferatu-type bloodsuckers, however,
they're immune to most of the traditional weapons used to kill "the children
of the night". In the process of hunting these super-leeches, Blade falls
in love with the hit-squad's leader, played by the very hot Leonor Varela. I
don't think I've ever seen Leonor Varela before but she managed to shine in
what is essentially a crappy role. "Blade" doesn't get overly caught
up in the plot convolutions but keeps the vampire-killing going from the beginning
to end. If you liked the first "Blade" then "Blade II" won't
disappoint. It's best viewed with your honey while spooning, and giving each
other hickeys. — Tom Graney
$5.23
© 2002 Hollywood Outsider™